I’ve been having a hard time the past couple of days missing Jen, later in the evening and my brain starts going and I get sad. I wake up with my mind screaming for Jenny.
And then I remember the hurt by ugly sister immediately after Jen died, and when will I finally let THAT go? Wondering why won't make it go away, I tell myself.
I just asked my sweet hubby… when will it get better? When will I stop crying at odd things? I think am doing okay with it all and then I close my eyes and see my beautiful girl and feel sad and it starts again. How do I fill that empty spot?
I woke up this morning to a winter wonderland. Six inches of snow, 20 degrees, and the sun is shining. It's a bright new day, clean and full of potential. Only a few small clouds on the horizon...
And this morning received an email from a friend with a note on sadness and I wonder about timing…
"There is no reason to fear sadness, as it is simply another emotion in our larger palette of feelings. Sadness can serve many purposes in our lives—it lets us know when something is not quite right or helps us remember the importance of solitude in our lives. We tend to become sad when one or more of our basic emotional needs is not being met. If we treat sadness as an indication that we should look critically at the way our lives have been unfolding as of late, it can help us determine what we need to do to regain our usual vigor and enthusiasm. Ignoring sadness nets us little in the end. It is only when we confront it directly and honor the role it plays in our existence that it fulfills its larger purpose. You will find that your sad mood helps you better understand yourself today when you acknowledge it directly."
A total aside: I'm going to have to go out and knock the snow off the branches outside my window so the birds can find the suet feeder now buried in the snow… :)